I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve had an end of the month mini-epiphany. Honestly. Like the light bulb moment people talk about. The thing about an epiphany is that it is relative to the person having it. So bear with me, because I’m sure many of you have already HAD this mini-epiphany, or didn’t need to because you were smart enough to know it without having to have one.
I focus most of my day on being productive. Getting things done. Doing things for the kids that will better them as people, teach them life "lessons", foster them being good vs. entitled brats..….you know, all those responsibilities that seem so looming and gravely important when you take on adulthood and motherhood. Fail to teach them the right lessons and they will end up a stripper at some Vegas club or a homeless drug addict (the reality is probably far more pedestrian, but when you are a parent you want nothing average for your kid). Isn’t that everyone’s fear? That what you do for them will only be average? I think my approach to raising children has been so rigorously directed at the system of trying to parent and meet all those expectations---and in the process have ignored the question of “how do I have daily fun and joy with this little person”. Maybe that’s just because I don’t know how to reconcile all the times when you are parenting and it’s definitely NOT fun. John approaches everything from the, “did my kids have fun today?” standpoint (he says he asks that every night and if the answer is "yes" he's happy). Since that's his position, I am burdened with "wearing the grown up pants."......or so that's been my flawed thinking.
I think, and here’s the epiphany part, that I’ve lost site of the real focus....having joyful moments, and fun moments, and enabling other people to have them too. It’s not that I don’t have them, but I don’t treat that as the most important part of the day instead of other stuff (like laundry or making your kid do chores). That’s twisted isn’t it? If this was my last day on earth wouldn't I want it to be joyful, not all the monotony of dutiful tasks performed for the "future" good. There's no reason that I can't share in John's optimistic approach of meeting a daily joy bar. There doesn't have to only be one fun parent.
Here’s where my mental barrier in the past has popped up though (when I try to reconcile my parenting style with John’s). Fun? That’s not the purpose of life, is it? Happiness, that’s not the “purpose” of life is it? They are nice by products of a life well rounded and lived, but the day to day stuff isn’t suppose to be all roses and la, la….is it? It certainly doesn’t feel that way when I’m running around trying to work, put laundry in, grocery shop, deal with tantrums, and demands….and prevent my teenagers from become social media monsters (while they are back talking and being divas). But here’s where I think I’ve missed something. All that crap—and let’s face it, most of it doesn’t feel fun or joy inspiring as you are doing it—is just the stuff you have to do and so you do it. The FOCUS should still be to get to lots of moments of fun and joy along your day. Your "real" purpose if you will. Yes, I still do the 1000 other things that are in the way (no joy coming from dropping off drycleaning necessarily), but I think my attitude is all wrong because I look at it backward...duty now, with joy later. My focus isn’t in the right place….I focus more on “doing stuff” that needs to be done, instead of “how can I bring more joy to the moment.” I hate writing, it exposes all your fatal flaws.
I just got dressed, and as I was doing it I consciously said to myself, “I’m going to dress in something that makes me happy and brings me some joy”. I’m wearing my favorite jeans (love), a sweater that I love and don’t wear because it’s delicate (I'm throwing caution to the wind), and a necklace with a quote that makes me think of my friends AND makes me happy just to look at. I put on my green (tranquility) and white (peace) beaded bracelets....big ass Apple watch in-between (we are getting these in the store soon--stay tuned), and I think they actually channeled some extra tranquility and peace right into me. I could have gotten dressed without consciously bringing any joy or happiness to the equation. I probably would be wearing something I liked if I thought about it, but I wouldn’t have consciously thought of it because it wouldn’t have occurred to me to make it my focus (if even for the simple 5 mins it took me to get dressed). WOW…..mind blown right there.
I’ve got to do that in everything I approach. Literally, everything. I need to look for ways to make myself happy and joyful, my kids happy and joyful, John…my friends….everyone. That’s it. That simple. I’m going to make it my daily effort in February to do something happy, joyful, loving or giving every day, and dedicate each day’s FOCUS to that mission and purpose. Yes, all the other stuff will still get done, but I’m going to be thinking about how to satisfy joy first as I go about it. I think I tend to stockpile my joy….I save things for “later” the same way I use to save a new outfit when I was a kid. I thought there would be a better time to have the joy of wearing something new—later. I do that now (maybe not so much with clothes), but with everything else. I’ll save it for later and I'll get thru the hard part now. Hope I’m not dead later.
I’m excited. I know this falls flat for all of you out there who are already enlightened to this simple truth, but I must have needed reminding because this lightening bolt chose now to hit me. Life is short, and to make the most of it we have to be conscious of being loving, open hearted, joyful and giving. In a world that is working hard to tear that down in many different ways, we have to start in ourselves and work outward, and spread that simple directive in a purposeful way.
So, I will leave you with this. A picture of eight things from MOL’s fall collection that I’m mad crazy for. Why? Because her clothes make me happy to wear, and despite the fact I won’t wear these for months, it made me happy to look at them, and I’m excited for them to eventually come. She’s an amazing creative force, and inspirational in her ability to keep bringing it to the table. I want some of her mojo.
Peace out sisters, January’s been good, bring on February…it’s going to be even better..
Signed, ME {lv}
MOL Cliff Notes: Boho dress for June, super cool "jogger pants", black dress with amazing contrasting seam detailing, reversible coat, puffer jacket (puffer--YES), her travel cashmere scarf (we missed it last year), a tunic t-neck camel cashmere piece (uhhhh, yes please), and the coolest leather jacket ($695...better price than her last leather, just as cool, and it comes in BONE--wouldn't that be amazing??)
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