Today’s joy focus is on really, genuinely, trying to listen to what people are saying when they are talking. Not mentally checking out, or thinking about what you are going to say next, or what grocery item you need to add to your list. No silently judging them on what they are saying, not silently judging yourself either. I realize that this might be harder for me than I’d like to admit.
Romeo talks almost nonstop, which might be the excuse I use to filter out much of what he is saying as background noise (because truly, it’s a string of nonstop statements, questions, declarations, song snippets and Star War blaster noises). However, that being said, he might feel like I don’t actually 100% listen to him, maybe ever or at least not 90% of the time. The other day, I was at my computer and he was talking at my side about something. I didn’t even realize it, but I must have been encouraging or at least validating the conversation with the occasional “uh huh”, “ok”, “I’m listening”. The typical distracted mom soundtrack. When all of a sudden, I hear the phrase, “he had two pinky fingers”. Delayed realization….and then, Uh, wait, wwwhhhaaaaattttt? Two pinky fingers? By the time I actually realized he said it and I visualized someone with two pinky fingers, he had already moved onward 3 or 4 sentences into his story. “Wait, hold up, WHO has two pinky fingers?” Then I hear the whole story again, because he was kind enough to backtrack. The short version? According to his best friend Michael, he has a cousin, who has a friend, that supposedly was born with two pinky fingers AND three nipples. See? If I had continued to completely check out during that conversation, I would have missed the riveting story about the supposed birth deformities of some friend of a cousin that I don’t know, AND Romeo would have missed out on delivery of said riveting info.
Point being, it’s important to really listen to people (including your kids), and hear them fully. It validates them. It always shows when you are listening vs. when you are pretending to listen. It shows in your eyes, your body language, and your responses, I doubt we're fooling anyone when we check out. Really listening brings joy, while “kind-of” listening makes people feel bad, and if not bad, at least not good….and we are going for good, joy creating moments and joy creating personal interactions.
Next agenda: second piercings. I know, you didn’t see that coming did you? It’s my current issue that I’ve been trying to side step for some time. Ava got her ears pierced fairly young, I think she was maybe 2nd grade. Then I had the no dangly earring rule, and that lasted until a couple of years ago when I started to let her buy more grown up dangly earrings. Now the request is a second ear piercing. I have had a "no piercing", no tattoo, no body art of any kind rule, until you are 18 and then you can't officially blame me anymore so go wild. She has some well thought out arguments though, which she has delivered to me in about 100 different ways, and quite honestly, they are fairly articulate, well thought out points.
Here’s the rub. I am not even sure I really care, I think I might be holding on to it simply because at this point, it feels like you are suppose to hold on to certain “rules” and not cave in on your "no's", but I’m not sure why. I’m trying to figure out whether this is something ok to just give in on, because it’s not really permanent and I don't think I actually care? I mean, I had a second earring at some point in my mid-teens (and a belly button piercing too in my mid-20's), both I gave up and I don’t think I have any physical or mental damage to speak of.
So my other thought for the day, besides really trying to listen to people, is the concept of what we hold on to and what we let go of. I am revisiting my "NO" on the issue, and trying to be aware of how I feel NOW vs. how I felt whenever I adopted that rule (I think it was when she was pretty young and I figured any body-
mutilation, beyond classic earrings would never befall my sweet innocent baby). Well, now she's a person, with her own dealio, her own style, thoughts, and I guess, her own sense of responsibility with her body. Yet, it's hard to let go of my NO. I'm not quite there, but I'm working on it.
So meanwhile, I’m buying her a pair of these Sosie earrings as a distraction, although I suspect it might just
provoke her to say, “You know what would go great with these earrings? Another small stud right next to it.”
Signed, ME {lv}
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