Wednesday’s are my hardest day….probably most people’s hardest day. For me, far worse than Monday. I have always hated the phrase “hump day”…it’s just wrong in every way. There are two "h" words that I would prefer to have banned from the English language, hump and horny. Fraternities would never allow it, but I'd start the petition tomorrow if I thought it would work. However, I do embrace the idea that Wednesday is a major “hurdle” day.
For whatever reason all my tricky kid maneuvers are on Wednesday too, which is a big strategic mistake. The extra three kid carpool, piano, tennis, karate, and two school pick up matrix is tight, and stressful, and then today I had to throw in there an orthodontics appointment for Gia who is wildly scared of pain. I mean terrified of pain. Sure, no one wants to actually have pain, but her fear of it is beyond normal. This appointment wasn’t even to have anything done (she’s only 9 years old), the appointment was just to start the assessment process in case there will be intervention needed down the road. That was enough to send her into a tailspin , prompted a machine gun of questions and extreme apprehension that pain might be around the corner. That was all before 9 a.m.
So, the upshot of all of that is my hurdle day has been…well, a big ass 8 foot hurdle. Plus for whatever reason I woke up today lost, just floundering in my head. There’s a looming and ongoing debate going on between John and I on our life “plan” for the future. Ten year plan I guess you’d say….13 years to be exact because Ava enters high school next year and then we have exactly 13 years during which a kid will be in high school at all times and the goal is to be rooted to the same place so that we don’t break up any of their experiences. Of course things may happen, and 13 years is a long time (it is and it isn’t) but the goal is to at least make some sort of concrete decision about our “plan” before high school starts. That plan is very much NOT clear.
Isn’t it funny how sometimes you feel like you “got this”, and then suddenly you feel like you most definitely do NOT? Nothing has changed ostensibly, but today I feel confused, and overwhelmed at the decisions ahead and I feel like I definitely do NOT have a handle on any of it. It's like the air pressured changed (or more likely, my hormone levels.)
So I explain all of this because today’s joy goal is to practice forgiveness, and I’ve decided I've got to start with myself. I’m going to forgive myself my extreme funk, forgive myself the less than stellar parental argument I had with Ava about grades, forgive myself the fact I didn’t fit in Romeo’s guitar practice, forgive myself my lack of focus, my irritability and overall wallow-y-ness.
I think practicing forgiveness is an admiral, and joy inspiring process, and it starts with yourself. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself, and then move on down the list of things you are holding on to. You forgive, let go of the pain, guilt, disappointment, confusion, or baggage, and then it allows you to move on. I’m going to start Thursday with a clear conscious. Funk-be-gone.
Signed, ME {lv}
p.s. I came home today at 5:30 pm, and promptly put on my comfy pants and my "robe that isn't a robe"...my Hard Tail Slouchy cardigan. That was a treat. Instant, "aaaahhhhhhhh" moment. At least when I feel the need to nurture myself in my mega funk, I can be super comfortable and cozy doing it.
Oh my gosh girl, I can SOOOO relate!!! It's great that you're writing about this because it is overwhelming and feeling alone or isolated at these times is too much. I feel you!!!! It is so freaking hard, even with one kid. You are bound to feel at loose ends, overwhelmed and just plain bad sometimes. But I know your spirit and it is STRONG. You DO got this. The feeling that you don't is actually a good thing because that's where you learn and grow and get MORE POWERFUL. Hang in there honey, ten year plans are nearly impossible to make anyway! xoxoxoxo
Posted by: Diane | February 24, 2017 at 08:08 AM
And I hate the words "hump" and "horny" toooo!
Posted by: Diane | February 24, 2017 at 08:09 AM