It took me three months to pull the trigger, but it’s official, I’m doing a 10 week yoga teacher training program. I’m virtually a yoga newbie really, but ever since I started back in September of last year, I’ve become increasingly infatuated with it, and this training is the natural “next step”. Right? I’m nervous though. 10 weeks of training, which consists of classes Friday nights, Saturday and Sunday, plus 5 different yoga classes during the week. That’s a whole lot of yoga, and it’s a big time commitment.
But, here’s my thinking. I’ve spent the last 15 years (i.e. since the day I gave birth to kid #1), putting myself on the back burner in almost all respects. Totally normal “mom response” .….you just get in the mind frame of always doing for others, and then you put yourself last on the list. Every. Single. Time. This included everything. Exercise, eating, sleeping…don’t even get me started on personal care. There were years I went without pedicures (simply not right), and I had roots so bad half the time that…well, let’s just say, it was embarrassing and wrong. There wasn’t even time for a luxurious bath….who had time to indulge in a leisurely bath?
At a certain point, you can’t sustain that anymore, and you can’t put off your own nurturing, because if you do, you’ll implode. I caught it just in time. What I realized is that while the younger years with the kids was damn hard, it doesn’t get easier. Sleep deprivation, and physical exhausted ruled in the early years, and the entire time I thought, “as soon as they sleep thru the night”, or as “soon as I’m not nursing”…. The list went on and on of the things that were hard now, but would get easier. Then those things DID get easier, but other things got harder. Having tweens and teens exhausts you in a whole new way, it has not been easy, restful, or even particularly fun. Hence, the epiphany. There’s no escaping the all-consuming state of motherhood (and duties of running a household and being a half way decent partner to your spouse). It just keeps going, the rapid fire rate doesn’t slow, and the workload doesn’t lessen. Which of course we want, right? We’re grateful to have it all. But, we have to face up to the fact, it doesn’t get all that much easier, and the second it does, something comes along to knock you off your cocky pedestal of tranquility.
That means; this is it, so you better do it now. You’ve got to take care of yourself, because otherwise, you’ll crumble into a heap and you won’t be any good to anyone. So, to me, this meansI DO go get pedicures…and facials…I DO find time to go to a yoga class most days, and I DO find time to read. I still feel a bit guilty every time, as if someone is going to chastise me for indulging over these perceived luxuries. No one ever does though.
My yoga program is something JUST for me, with nothing in it for anyone else. I don’t plan on making any income from it, I don’t plan on utilizing it for the kids (unless the girls end up wanting me to teach them a class), and I don’t have any specific end game in mind except my personal growth. Just making the decision has almost been as powerful as I think the program will ultimately be.
I’m mad crazy in love with the couple teaching this program. I’d follow them to a commune and make them my gurus, it’s that kind of love. They just have this wonderful, non-preachy, non-annoying, empowering, wise and wonderful glow about them. Every class I’ve taken from them, literally feeds my soul. I always walk out better than I walked in. That says a lot.
So my wish for everyone is to find something that does that for you. Something that feeds your soul, and feeds your physical and mental health. Commit to it for 10 weeks, 5 days a week along with me….and couple that with a commitment to nurture yourself like never before. Give yourself what you need. Remind yourself that no one will do it for you. There’s no prize for doing without, there’s no prize for suffering for others. Taking what I need will allow me to give more back to those around me because I will be recharged, happy, and nurtured.
I’m going to try and blog regularly about my journey thru this program. I’ll fill you in on all the details, and craziness that awaits! For right now I’m just working on accumulating a sufficiently adorable wardrobe for this program. Superficial and not yogi like? Nope, just smart....why be scrappy when you can be the best dressed one in there? I just bought these and I think they are pretty darn fantastic on!! Great throw on sweats to move thru an active weekend.
Find your thing.
Signed, ME {lv}
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