OK, I have truly lost count of where I am in this process. It would appear that 10 days have blown by (and I literally had NO idea it had been so long --I had to count to come up with those numbers.)
So let's see....what has happened. Well, I hit may official "mid-mark" of the program, and had a "mid-term", which was actually MORE stressful than I remember mid-terms being back in school. Our "test" was to teach a 30 minute class, start to finish, as they sequenced it, in front of room full of students (our fellow teacher trainees). I studied. A lot. It felt like all I did was say that sequence out loud and in my head for a solid week. The good news is that the 30 minutes went off without any major hitches, which I was pretty excited about. It could have gone either way...I was prepared to remember everything, but I could have remembered nothing because when you get up in front of everyone something just manages to take over--and not always in a good way.
So with that behind me, there is a major sense of relief, and now we are changing gears and learning new poses, and learning to be creative with the rigid context we've been given so far (which is surprisingly hard since all we've been drilled with the same exact sequence over and over).
I've got two things I've been dwelling on (or maybe I should say, reflecting on). First off, I am loving, LOVING, and more loving, on the fact that I can just make a choice to not get crazy about things and to delegate more household stuff. This is totally elementary. I know this, yet I don't. I think the old me would have been frantically trying to plan each weekend so it went off without a hitch, with minimum fuss to everyone. Well, I gave up on that really early on. There's no time, and I'm completely fine now with just handing everything off to John. It gets done, or it doesn't....it's not the end of the world. All the expectations I had in my head---either my own or what I thought other people wanted--are just melting away and I'm giving myself a break. John's fine with all of it....I don't honestly know if he even notices the difference all that much between a weekend where I busted my ass to make it seem perfect (i.e. house clean, groceries bought, kid birthday presents bought, soccer schedule mapped out, etc. etc.). He seems pretty happy to just get take out or hit a restaurant with the kids and if something needs doing, he just does it--I think with far less thoughts preceding it and following it. That's pretty liberating to realize all around.
So imagine me happily skipping off to yoga on a Friday night....and then happily skipping off on Saturday. amidst all the crazy that happens on a Saturday with 4 kids in the house. I've put a lot of time in, I think I can take this time for myself.
My other focus is the realization that I need to listen to my body more. We had a whole seminar yesterday on the "Subtle Body". I had to ask what that meant because it literally meant nothing to me....at all...I'd never heard it as a term before. It has a lot of facets, but the upshot is that it's everything going on in your body that isn't large body function, and it's stuff you really should listen to. I realized that I often hear what my body is saying, but don't listen. I blow thru the natural cues of being tired when my body really should go to bed, and I push myself to stay awake. Not healthy at all. I sometimes hold things, or push things in yoga and I know it's because of ego, vs. what my body really needs. It was a good reminder to really focus in on what your body is saying to you and to honor and trust how logical and intelligent it is. So that's my goal this week, to pay attention and trust in those cues.
I've started my super bad ass yoga play list, and it's nearly done. I can't wait for the conclusion of the program, when we get to teach a full class and play music--it's one of my favorite parts of yoga (and I realize that's not even part of lots and lots of yoga classes). The class I'm going to teach though has awesome music....and not slow elevator yoga music, I mean seriously good music, the kind that makes you want to flow hard!
I know I've been MIA, but I hope you all haven't been MIA to your commitment of doing something 5 days a week that feeds your soul. I can't even express how much it's done for me!
Signed, ME {lv}
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