The question on our home page, “Are you looking good for fall?”, it has me thinking....
I went to a last minute dinner this past weekend at Ava’s friend’s parent’s house. She probably had 10 friends there, and then all of the various parentals etc. that came with them. For a moment as I walked in, I had this thought of seeing myself thru Ava’s eyes. What she thought of her mom, at 16, in this big group of her friends and all their parents. Did she think I looked good? Did she like my outfit, was I cool enough, or dressed well enough to get her teenage street cred approval?
Once, years and years ago, I had a Ukrainian woman named Olga who watched Ava during the day. I will never forget the day that she said to me, and sadly I don’t even remember the context of what we were talking about, but she said with her thick accent, “yes, you need to look good for Ava.” I remember at the time thinking, "what the heck is she talking about? Ava is two and I’m not “trying” to look good for anyone let alone my two year old." Her statement stuck with me all these years though.
I think I get it now though. I think I finally get what she meant, and why people sometimes need to be pushed to make the effort. She meant that I would want Ava to look at me and see the person I wanted her to see (and I'm pretty sure that wasn't a haggard 30 year old in sweats.) I think when she said that to me I was still very much in the mindset that I looked how I looked (which I didn’t think was all that bad), but that I didn’t make it habit of “trying” to look better for anyone. At that stage I feel like I was doing pretty good just putting on clothes in the morning given the fact that I was juggling a toddler, work, and a husband that traveled. I don't know if I cared if I looked good so much as I cared that I remembered to put pants on.
Maybe it’s just age, but my perspective has changed. I DO want my kids to think I look good. I DO want them to remember me as looking nice and dressing cool, hopefully not looking boring and frumpy. I don’t want my husband, who yes, I know loves me, to not even notice what I look like anymore or what I’m wearing because it’s same-old-same-old and it just fades into the background.
Every once in awhile I’ll put something on and everyone will say, “OH mom, you are dressed up, you look nice where are you going?” The really sad part is when what I'm wearing is just your average good outfit. It’s not like I am decked out. It’s not like I bought something SO amazing that actually warranted all those compliments. It just means I was going thru a super boring stage during which I probably wore the same thing over and over and/or looked so much the same that no one even noticed me anymore. Then when I did one small thing different, it was BIG. Sad, but true. If you wear yoga clothes every day for three month and suddenly one day put on a pretty dress, people go crazy (and no, I didn't do this.)
So this is a reminder that how you dress today, is how someone is going to remember you tomorrow. That your kids and loved ones adore you no matter what, but it would still be nice to look nice for them too. If you are in a rut, get out of it. Believe me, I totally get being in utility mode, which is completely fine, and totally necessary sometimes. But, equally important, is to shake yourself out of it and feel really good about how you dress. To feel beautiful and project yourself the way you want to be seen. I've felt both indifferent about my wardrobe before, AND also have felt really good about it. It's better to feel really good.
So in case the answer the question, “are you looking good for fall?” is “Eh”, just know that you can kick it up a notch pretty easily. Yes, first for yourself, but because we don’t live solo on a deserted island (and if we did we’d really not care about kicking it up), it’s also for those people around you that you love. Your kids, your partner, the person you want to be your partner. Maybe they want to see your glorious fab self in something beautiful, even if you've forgotten how great it feels!
Signed, ME. {lv}
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